the ways of everyday people.

Someone told me that to watch the ways of everyday people is to hate everyday people. I don't hate people, but I do go to great lengths to try to make sense of the things people do, the situations that both puzzle and trouble me...

*I've chosen not to use any defining factors like names...these aren't black people, white people, rich people or poor people...these are everyday people.

(The One):
Man, attractive and in his early twenties, has grown tired of one night stands. He is disgusted with his repertoire, consisting mostly of women he considers smuts, and wouldn't dare take home to momma. Man desires intimacy, warmth, stability, and someone to have his dinner ready after a long day's work. Man meets Woman. She is reasonably attractive, but most importantly, she is eager. Woman has spent years molding herself into her idea of a man's ideal woman. Now, it seems that Man is recognizing her efforts.

Actually, it is quite the contrary. Man recognizes nothing in Woman but vulnerability. Woman suits Man's needs because he only seeks to exploit her, and her vulnerability leaves her ripe for using. Man thinks nothing of what he can do for her; he only dreams of what she can do for him.

Man recognizes immediately that in some ways Woman will not satisfy him. Her conversation will do, but it doesn't hit Man in his soul. Her company is comforting, but it isn't entertaining...for him, it isn't enjoyable. The sight of Woman does not make Man's heart pump; it only makes him wonder what's for dinner.

"Hmmmm," Man thinks to himself, "I won't love this woman for a lifetime, but for now, she will suffice."

Man never lets on that his future plans don't include Woman. "Things are moving along fine, why rock the boat?" he asks himself. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." Meanwhile, Woman is thrilled, content with the belief that she has wooed a wonderful man, who is enamored with her and (as far as she can tell) will never let her go.

Man and Woman co exist happily for years. All of Woman's friends are jealous; all of Man' s friends predict doom....none can figure out why he's been with Woman for years and still says things like, "When I find The One..."

Woman is now itching to marry. Finally, she begins hinting at Man to pop the question, at which time Man becomes aware of a gliche in his plans for the first time: While Man has enjoyed comfort with Woman for years, Woman's comfort won't come until a wedding ring is placed on her finger. And, alas, Man NEVER intended on giving her that. Why would he? She isn't The One.

Woman leaves the situation heartbroken and angry, vowing to never play the fool again. Man has not changed his mind about Woman; he still knows she isn't "it".

But he calls her several times a week, wondering if she'll spend the evening with him, and maybe even prepare some dinner....at least until he finds The One.

(Dark Child):
Woman and Man have been together, on and off, for several years and have one small child together. Woman never wanted a man like she wanted Man. She had a feeling that he was out of her league, but that's why she liked him. He was deep, sensual, and could converse with anyone on any topic. Woman's thoughts never went much deeper than keeping her man, and that was deep enough for Man. She knew a good man when she saw him.

Now Man was good, but he wasn't always good to Woman. His long legs strolled through their front door in the wee hours of many mornings. Woman never asked any questions.

But in her mind, she sought revenge, and one weekend while she and Man were on the outs, she got it.

Nine months later, Man and Woman's second child is born. Man is joyous, Woman is nervous, and the nurses in the delivery room are all smirking. Man and Woman are both of the light skinned persuasion. New baby is dark, dark, dark.

Still, Man is thrilled. After all, wasn't his grandmother dark skinned? Man told Woman it must have skipped a generation....it happens, right?

Woman knew Man was all wrong. In her heart and in her mind and even on her ovulation chart, was the truth. But as long as Man didn't worry, neither would she.

Time passes and the truth should be haunting Woman, but it isn't. It is, however, haunting Man, whose faith in Woman seems to be folding under the neighbor's whispers:

"Momma's baby, Daddy's maybe!"

The truth came to Man through one of Woman's scorned friends. Woman had been blowing her off lately, and she was just pissed enough to tell all. She felt sorry for Man, anyway.

The truth stole all of Man's smiles for months. Man had loved that dark child; had squeezed its dark cheeks, kissed its dark hands. Man had opened an account just for the baby...for college and stuff.

But the truth did not steal Man's heart. He still loved the child; squeezed its cheeks, kissed its hands. But he could never look at Woman the same. And after a time, he ran from Woman, because no matter how he tried, he couldn't keep his disgust from rising up his throat and spilling onto the floor.

But when their first child would go to visit Man, the dark child would go, too, and Man would treat him as his own.

Woman should have been ashamed, or appreciative, or both. Instead she was angry and resentful.

Since Man signed the birth certificate, Woman asked Man for child support. And on weekends when she felt alone and overwhelmed, she called Man's mother on the telephone, screaming about how Man had never done anything for his children.

(Man to Man):
Man and Friend had been down since middle school. Both athletes, they ran in the same circles, shared the same girls, and even shared the same tall, slim build. They never disagreed. They had never gotten into an argument, not once.

Man was not completely oblivious to his shortcomings. He just needed a little help identifying them, and fixing them. He'd ask Friend if there was any room for improvement, man to man. Friend would assure Man that he was fine just the way he was.

But Friend knew that Man wasn't fine just the way he was. Man was an egotistical, sometimes irate, inconsiderate slob...and sometimes he smacked when he chewed. Worst of all was the way Man treated Girlfriend, who had been with Man since before Man and Friend met in middle school.

Girlfriend would call Friend, sometimes, asking Friend to talk some sense into Man. Friend understood each of Girlfriend's complaints, and really sympathized with her. Friend knew for sure that Man loved Girlfriend, but couldn't offer her any solace or advice--she was completely justified in her irritation with Man. He was all that she complained that he was.

Friend was sure that if Man didn't straighten up, he would lose Girlfriend forever.

Sometimes, Man would ask Friend what he thought about specific complaints that Girlfriend made:

"Hey, Friend, Girlfriend says I have an ego problem...what's she talkin about?"

Friend would respond, "Awwww, Man...you know women. If its not one thing its another..."

Something in Friend told him that he wasn't handling things properly. Something told him that as Man's closest friend, it was his obligation to be honest with him. But, then again, he couldn't tell another man how to live his life, or how to treat his woman.

Girlfriend left Man for good in the middle of a hot, muggy, summer night. It took Friend a few seconds to realize that it was tears, not sweat, that glistened on Man's face when he showed up at Friend's front door that same night.

Once inside, Man cried freely, and told Friend all of the emotional things that men usually keep to themselves. Man had no idea what he would do without Girlfriend. She was his light; without her Man couldn't see. Man racked his brain for answers. What had made Girlfriend so fed up? If Man could just figure out what he was doing wrong, he'd fix it. Hell, he'd do anything to get Girlfriend back. He turned to Friend, his ace since middle school, and begged for help in the form of answers:

"Friend, What's wrong with me? What do I need to do to get her back?"

Friend shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know, Man...I don't know." He had been moved by Man's honesty, but what else could he tell him?

Weeks later Girlfriend called Friend. She had finally left Man and she wanted Friend's take on things. Friend was happy to hear from Girlfriend, but felt sad for Man once he realized how firm she was in her decision.

"Well," Friend said to her, "he should've changed his ways before it was too late."

"Yea," Girlfriend thought to herself, "Because if he had realized the error of his ways and come after me that night, I woulda stayed."

allaisia hanan
xoxo